I still haven't decided whether I will share this blog with anyone but myself but I needed a place to vent and keep myself accountable. Also I named the blog, one more stupid salad, because I am so sick of the constant struggle but in the end you have sit down to one more meal of salad, one more attempt to reach my goal. I will always keep trying even though I fail so much more than succeed because I really do want it so bad. I have a lot of goals but I would be completely overwhelmed trying to tackle all my flaws at once so i have picked two to start with. I I feel like Im moving in the right direction with those then I will use this blog to tackle more. For now this is what I got.
First and foremost I need to keep my weight under control during this pregnancy. I started this pregnancy on a diet but quickly gave it up and started eating out of control and now the thought of going back on a diet has sent me into panic mode and I am eating more and worse than I normally would. I have decided that I am just going to start eating as sensibly as I know how and occasionally treat myself. The plan is to also plan all my meals the night before just to get started since I seem to have no self control when I just want something right now and don't want to think about it or work for it. Planning ahead is hopefully going to keep me on track for the first little bit.
I was watching a 19 kids and counting tonight and on the show, Michelle was pregnant with their 20th child. She was showing all the healthy things she was eating and all the vitamins and all the exercising she was doing to stay healthy during this pregnancy. she talked about how that was a way she could be a good parent even before the baby was born. It totally clicked with me. I couldn't stand it if my weight effected my baby in any way. I had high blood pressure last time. It could have caused an early delivery, I also feel like I was just lucky to not get gestational diabetes last time considering how much weight I put on.
The other part of the show was that she miscarried at 20 weeks. It was so sad to watch and I realize she was high risk and I don't think that will happen to me but I know what it's like to have a baby born unhealthy. I don't want to be in the NICU again. That was so hard for us. I am terrified of an early delivery or complications.
If I can avoid them by being healthy I have to try. Up til now I can't figure out why I haven't been. It makes me so mad at myself. I'm already mad at myself for not losing more weight after the last one. But all I can think about right now is right now. I can't lose weight but I sure can try to not gain what I did last time. I have the same starting weight of 220. Last time I gained 64 pounds. this time I want to keep it at 40. I think I have already gained 10. Yikes! But I am hoping with a new found energy to try I can still stick with it.
The other goal I have with this blog is to control my money. I am a thrifty girl and I don't blow a lot of money on crap but I know I spend way to much on eating out and diet pepsi and crafts and miscellaneous crap that Im sure we dont need. Even spending to much on things we justify we need when they are expensive and we could probably do with out. I have a goal to always be debt free. So far we haven't accomplished that. We have 2 credit cards that mysteriously keep getting balances on them. right now the largest one is 300 dollars so its not so bad but i still hate it. It is so easy to have that balance grow to 600 then to 1000 and up. Before we got married we came into the marriage with about 20,000 worth of debt, including my car. We had slowly but surely paid it all off. I was so excited but then we decided to get an "emergency" credit card. I will admit that I'm not sorry we have it but it hasn't always been for emergencies. On top of wanting to avoid any further debt, I want to learn to live with less. We have made the choice for me to be a stay at home mom at any cost. We dont make much as it is but there isnt any reason for us to not make it from pay check to paycheck because we dont pay rent right now. In fact at looking at bills and expenses there is no reason we shouldn't be able to put a good chunk of money into savings right now. Unfortunately, we find ourselves pulling money out of saving quite a bit to cover stuff we probably don't need.
I was watching a talk show the other day ( it sounds like i watch a lot of tv!) and this woman was 27,000 dollars in debt and decided to go on a money fast. she only bought things that were totally nessary to live. Water, food, shelter... like pretty hard core. she was able to pay back all the debt in 16 months. I really want to try this approach for a little while. I am going to start with a week. Starting tomorrow I plan on not spending on any wants or things I could live without. I have another baby on the way and I would like to have some back up savings. But even bigger than that, we have no idea when we will be kicked out of our cozy living situation. I am really afraid of how we will make it once we are paying rent again. We have very much adjusted our life style to no rent. I will feel much better if we could at least have a few months of an emergency fund at our disposal.
So to make my goals more specific... First my goal is to not gain more than the weight I have already gained by first doctor appointment. Second, to have control over my spending and put 1,000 dollars in savings by the end of April. I know I can do it but this won't be an easy thing for me. I am hoping by having this blog that I will keep myself accountable.
